3 years ago when I was a Freshmen in college I competed in my very first local Miss America Pageant and fell in love with the organization. I found myself surrounded by inspiring, passionate, and driven women who I wanted to be like. I went to Miss California for the first time and had the time of my life. It's crazy how quickly a dream can be born. My dream was so clear from the very first year I competed: Become Miss America.
Now I realize that's a big dream, but I think it's important to have aspirations that feel hard to get to. If you have accomplished everything you ever wanted to, it's time to start dreaming bigger. It can be scary to admit you have a dream that big, but I think it's important to share your hopes for the future.
When I held my second title and went to Miss California year two, I had even more fun that the first time I went. I didn't think that was possible honestly. But, this time I had friends going into the competition and everything wasn't so new and there's comfort in things that are familiar. I found my footing this year and was able to soak in the experience even more.
Year 3, Title 3, Miss California #3. I had the privilege of going to the state competition as Miss Culver City (a dream title of mine) and I had the most positive experience. I was able to find the joy in my friendships and push beyond my nerves about the competition to make memories with the incredible women surrounding me. (If you ever buy into the misconceptions of pageants, judge a local or state Miss America pageant. I'm confident your mind will be changed). What was so special about this trip to Miss California was the confidence and peace I felt throughout the week. I found my groove and can confidently say I put my best foot forward. It was at this Miss California, that I realized I just might not be what those judges were looking for. It's possible for your best to not align with what a panel is looking for.
I prayed a lot the week of California. I asked God over and over again to keep me calm. As much as I wanted to pray that He would give me the success I wanted to much, I didn't. I prayed for His plan, whatever that looked like, even if it didn't align with what I want. Because the truth is, no plan of mine could ever compare to His plan. This wasn't too hard to pray for but it was hard to accept. I kept saying "Hey God, if you want to give me success here, I am so ready for it. And if you don't that's okay too, I want your plan." I'm not proud of it, but my first reaction to the answer he gave me, the "no" was "why?". It can be hard to understand God's plan, okay fine, sometimes it's impossible to understand. But in moments like these I'm reminded that it's not my job to understand why God does what He does, my job is to trust Him. Trust Him through the doubt, the failure, and the uncertainty.
Trusting God through the uncertainty is a big one for me right now. I'm in my last semester of college and planning to move across the country post-grad. I don't know how it's going to work or when exactly I'll be back. It's why I'm hitting pause on my dream of becoming Miss America. The dream is still alive and well and I plan on competing again when I'm settled in my new city. But it's tough to know that this year I won't compete at Miss California, I won't be a part of the community I love in the same way. But, there's a silver lining in everything. This year I get to focus on my dream of becoming a Radio City Rockette. I can cheer my friends on at Miss California and watch a life change. I get to take comfort with the knowledge that God has a plan for me and His timing is everything. I don't know what the future holds, I don't know if I'll get to compete at Miss America someday, and I definitely don't know what my life will look like once I move across the country. But I do know I want God's plan.
I had 3 incredible years, 3 life changing Titles, and 3 Miss California Pageant weeks where I saw myself grow. This organization has helped me become the person I'm striving to be. I mean it when I say it changed my life. It showed me what sisterhood means, it taught me resilience, and it pushed me to trust the process. I will always be grateful for my Miss California family.
Proverbs 3:5 says "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding."
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